Free Fiction Thursday – The Galaxy’s Most Wanted

Happy Thursday, everyone! How’s your day going so far?

Last weekend a lot of my buddies were in Chicago for Worldcon. Me? I went to SacAnime with my daughter. Had a lot of fun people-watching while standing in really long lines, met a couple of cool artists, and enjoyed the cosplayers even when I didn’t know what character they were playing.

This week’s story is about a different kind of cosplayer — a guy who pretends to be someone he’s not just so he can make time with the ladies. All well and good, until he tries his patter on the wrong woman. I hope you enjoy “The Galaxy’s Most Wanted.”

 

The Galaxy’s Most Wanted

Annie Reed

Copyright © 2012 Annie Reed

Published by Thunder Valley Press

Cover and layout Copyright © 2012 Thunder Valley Press

Last time I counted, I had two hundred fifty-seven wives and four hundred thirteen children.  Five hundred forty-one nieces and nephews.  A couple hundred pistol toting fathers-in-law.  And a dog.

I’m also wanted on seventeen planets in sixteen different systems.  That’s not counting all the outstanding interstellar warrants against me for child abandonment, failure to support, and back alimony.

Yeah, I used to be something, all right.  I don’t look like much, not anymore.  At least not compared to the pretty woman who brought me out tonight.  Yeah, that’s her.  The brunette.  Curves in all the right places.  She’s sitting on the bar stool to my right, flirting with the hunky bartender, he of the bulging muscles and piercing blue eyes, full head of blond hair, and easy smile.  If I had looked like Mr. What Can I Get A Pretty Little Thing Like You To Drink Tonight, I wouldn’t be in this mess.  Guys like me, we have to try harder.

That’s how the whole mess I’m in started, trying to get women to pay attention to me.  A little lie here, an embellishment there.  What’s the harm?  So I don’t actually own a star cruiser (I am – or was – the third assistant to the second shift lead maintenance tech on the refuse recycling scow that ran between Omicron and Zeta Sawh, but who’s quibbling?) and I’m not the man who ran a high quality bootlegging outfit on New Marris Prime (although I never said no to a decent alcoholic beverage), but a guy like me’s got to have a little edge, you know?  Something to get a girl to look past the receding hairline and paunchy belly, and the fact that I’m a little short.  Okay, a lot short.  But I do come up to at least shoulder height on most humanoid women.  Not all that bad from my perspective, if you think about it.

That’s my problem, you see.  I just always liked women more than they liked me.

Even the ones I shouldn’t have.  Like the pretty brunette on the bar stool next to me.

The first time I saw her I’d just walked into a dark, dingy bar at the end of a long, uneventful recycling trip.  I mean really – how much trouble can a guy get into on a ship full of recycled garbage?  Bored and more than a little bit lonely for some female companionship, I cleaned myself up, spritzed on my favorite deodorizing aftershave, charged up my tally card with the money I’d earned on the trip, and went looking to get laid.

I found Brina.

(read the rest of the story here)

An interesting end to Worldcon

Okay, this is classic.

Thanks to a mutual friend (Hi, Judith!), I now have this nifty full-size bug costume made by David from Washington State. My daughter and I met up with David tonight and managed to wedge bugzilla into the back seat of my car.

That’s not David’s name for his costume. The slip of paper with David’s full name and the costume’s name is still in the car, along with the bug. I had every intention of bringing in both tonight, but there’s a little problem.

Or not so little problem.

Namely, a five-foot long SNAKE coiled at the base of my driveway. A snake that Does Not Want To Move. Period.

No rattles were involved in the hissing, lunging, and recoiling of my unexpected visitor, but it was dark and I decided the snake could have that part of my driveway for the night. I hope it’s gone in the morning. As it is, bugzilla will be going to work with me tomorrow. I’m going to get some really odd looks from other people in my building’s parking garage when they catch sight of my backseat passenger.

What a way to end a really cool Worldcon. 🙂

Worldcon Day 1

Yup, that’s a full-size Game of Thrones throne. It’s in the dealers’ room and art show area at Worldcon. While I was snapping this picture with my cell, a very friendly and helpful man offered to take my picture if I wanted to sit on the throne. I politely declined, all the while thinking, “Don’t you know what happens to everyone who sits in that thing?? They die!”

I decided not to mention that to another con attendee who struck a Sean Bean/Eddard Stark pose on the throne while his pic was snapped.

Maybe he hasn’t seen the HBO series. Or read the books.

I hope he had sweet dreams.